Pandemic Remodel
Maybe it was the pandemic, or being so far away from home, not sure who ask about this once in a lifetime stuff. Myself, I just wanted to hold the hand of my spouse and never be father away than the length of our arms stretched out, hands clasped tight. My life was in a bit of a remodel phase then. Not far from familiar but too close to something entirely new. Change is running amuck in most of our lives. Mine, too.
Consider that comparison of a home remodel, where you pull out all the stuff that has been stored, crammed into spaces you forgot about, facing the bright light of day, aged and old. Somethings are damaged beyond repair. Other mementos are faded, worn, and some have lost their significance. The associated memory the item was supposed to trigger has long been displaced or forgotten. Wasting precious time trying to recall just why did you keep that old piece of newspaper from 1998? Read the headlines, scan the photos for faces you know, maybe a younger version of yourself but find no apparent reason for it to be folded so neatly and tucked between pages of that book you always wanted to read, but never had the time. An old pair of binoculars on the closet shelf that don’t work anymore. Look at the mess. How did all this become associated with you?
When moving place to place, it has been my practice to thin the load.Less to unpack and find places for when you never know how much room the next place will have. It always struck me as ominous how all those things weeded out in the sort are merely tokens of my life. It takes me a while of accumulating to build up a nest.Then it only takes those preceding months to a major move to whittle it down to less. Seeing the phases from years past is sometimes unsettling and others it is a relief. Being reminded that a stage has been passed through with minimal/maximum heartache.
But this time, after the pandemic, there is more inner turbulence and a sense of a vacuum than in the past. A fear is hovering just under the surface. My gut says to listen and watch, there is a change coming.What change? Is there an answer/ Or was it because I had gotten so good at adapting? Now normal every day doesn’t feel normal?
Unlike remodeling a dwelling, life isn’t just looking at some photos and duplicating what others have done. There is room for more unique choices that bring fulfillment and joy.